How the pain wasn’t pain, but boredom

Two weeks of this diet are over and I feel uneasy about not knowing what I think about it. Sincerely, I had expected some serious suffering and having to push through difficult moments, and ultimately feeling totally refreshed after the 30 days for having made it. Well, in all honesty, it hasn’t been all that difficult. I haven’t felt a lot of suffering. Mostly, it’s just been really, really boring. Like, I want to treat myself to something, and I won’t. I want to put some honey in my food to make it tastier, but I won’t. I want to drink tea in the evening, but it turns out it has stevia, so I won’t. And so it goes on. It’s just a whole bunch of no’s. At times I really think I will go crazy, and one night I dreamed that I was dying because I couldn’t have sugar but that I couldn’t break the diet. But then I woke up and thought that I could have an apple in the morning, and fell asleep again.

I’m not one to bail though. I’m almost half-way through now, and although this diet hasn’t made any life-changing alterations in my lifestyle and food habits, it has forced me to stop my impulses (like I mentioned before, it’s still an ongoing process) and it has made me come back to what I normally eat like, and it has made me cook more. In fact, it’s not too hard to find stuff to cook that doesn’t require sweetener, and over the last days I have gone through all from lasagna to vegetable pie (first one that failed horribly and then one that turned out amazingly) and asparagus/feta omelette for breakfast.

In general, I think that right before I started this I was really getting used to indulge in desserts and whatnot, and I’m glad to be back on a more balanced level. I still have to stop and think about what I really crave when I want sugar, and since we’re all frying here since a few weeks back, it’s mostly water. A few new favorite “musts” have been introduced, such as freshly pressed orange juice, or coconut water.

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However, I have also noticed that while I tend to be more conscious about my lifestyle in general with this diet condition, leaving out sugar is NOT necessarily the equivalent of eating healthy, and I find myself occasionally craving stuff that I wouldn’t even look at before. Did y’all know that sea salted potato chips do not have any sugar, for instance? Generally, I also tend to eat more to feel satisfied, and to my surprise I think I might even have gained a little weight. But then again, that is secondary to this “study”.

Today I had my first big trial, being a birthday dinner out. I can’t say I am 100% sure I didn’t get a gram of added sugar into my body, but the fish that I ordered (delicious Cuban hoki hoki prepared similarly to the Mexican “a la veracruzana”, for those who know it) at least didn’t taste sweet, and I think I went beyond any lengths when I ordered a SUGAR FREE MOJITO. That’s right: water, lime, mint and rum and NADA. Let’s just say I didn’t look the waiter in the eyes when I ordered.

The best of these last few days has been the dance, however. If there is any way that I can help myself physically AND mentally, this is it. I can’t believe that all this time I’ve had a studio two blocks away from my apartment. It hurts, it’s overwhelming, and I am definitely not 15 years old anymore, but it’s delicious and addictive and I feel like I am finding my way back to me. I might be bored as h-ll with my diet, but although I’m not learning the super hard way, I think it’s safe to say that I’m learning some and that this weird situation that I’ve put myself in has brought me some reflection and behavioral changes that are very welcome.

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